Brian Lutz / June 9, 2016


Los Angeles, CA-The day after the announced 2-year ban by the International Tennis Federation for the use of the banned substance Meldonium Maria Sharapova announces strategic partnership with

“We are pleased to announce Maria Sharapova as brand ambassador for Zip It dot com.  We believe we will be a real asset to each other over the next 2 years and beyond,” announced V/P of Marketing Jared Miller.

A curious marketing alignment raised eyebrows in the tennis community as Zip-It  provides organic solutions for loud noises such as screaming and grunting along with it’s lifestyle services.  Long term twitter fan @MagnesiumForehand wondered: “Is this for her on court grunting?”

“As her attorney and our upcoming appeal with the Court of Arbitration of Sport I couldn’t be more pleased because the less she says the better for our case,” said her lawyer John Haggerty.

Empathetic fans have also come to her defense and have been sending support to her management team at the IMG headquarters in Cleveland, Ohio. “We have received much adoration from fans with gifts and advice.  Maria is very grateful for the outreach and affection,” her management team said in a carefully worded statement using double and triple spell check.

UPS and Fed Ex packages have been streaming into the offices and published on social media.  Some of the gifts included a electronic calendar with special grunt sounding notification for important dates such as Jan 1, 2016.  Some of the other gifts include high magnesium super foods including raw spinach, kale, soy beans and South American avocados and a dozen Thesauruses’.

Although Meldonium, also known as Mildronate, has no known scientific evidence to help low magnesium or diabetic sufferers sales have spiked in Moscow since her announcement as 27 Russian athletes from various sports have been suspended since the beginning of the year.

Just as Maria was ready to speak up about the benefits of placebo effect in using banned substances a helpful member of her team member stepped in to stop her.

Written by:

Brian Lutz / “Come Play In My Group Tennis Lessons