WHITE TENNIS EDITOR SEEKS KEY TO HANDCUFFS

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Editor is hiring multi-cultural applicants only.
Brian Lutz / July 7, 2016

THE LEMON: IMAGINATION SIX. TOLERANCE LOVE.

Manhattan-The Daily Bugle based in NYC is seeking a Sports Editor to cover the sport of tennis. Here is their advertisement below.

Job Description:

National daily tabloid seeks multi-cultural candidate based in New York City or surrounding Tri-State area.  Seeking an editor to cover the sport of tennis. Candidate preferred to be neither white nor male so they can accurately depict objective perspective and shed light on the WTA Tour. Applicants should not be affiliated with any tennis acronym organizations such as USTA, ATP, NJTL, USPTA, PTR, WTA, Tennis Hall of Fame, Tennis Channel be a former player or be currently coaching a player.

Ideal candidate would be female, African American, bi, lesbian or transgender, over the hill, atheist and those with pre-existing medical conditions are encouraged to apply. We welcome all suppressed and repressed emotionally or symbolicaly and non privileged persons with a victim mentality to apply.

THE BEST OF JJ JAMESON 

Newspaper columns and blog entries will focus on lack of interest in the WTA product including lack luster tennis matches, player depth and annoying loud screeching of players during events with a focus on dwindling attendance and low television ratings.  Should have skills translating mundane interviews and politically correct answers into digestive and easy to consume words for our readers that are not influenced by corporate sponsors, affinity for racism or based in conflict of interest. Must offer perspective that is based in fact yet utilizes integrity, truth and perspective from all sides of the story.

Emphasis of writing style will entail topics including entertainment value, tournament results, sportsmanship, historical context and the personality profiles of the sport of tennis.  Interviewing skills and translations of bullshit responses in mostly English to questions are mandatory for the job. Some Spanglish speaking skills required and understanding of Russian pharmaceutical prescription medications.

Compensation: Negotiable based on your current weight, FICO score, number of LinkedIn friends and current career leverage.

Written by:

Brian Lutz / “Come Play Group Tennis Lessons

 

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